During my absence, I woke after having two vivid dreams on subsequent days. The first dream being extremely strong and powerful was of a the eye of a baby deer and the imagery of an oak leaf imposed around it's eye. The deer was in its natural habitat, it felt like a thick forest and the deer came towards me to take a closer look and appeared to smile. I felt blessed by its presence, it was like we understood each other. The Oak tree presence was strong, green and with many acorns - it felt large and bountiful. I have always had a strong connection with oak trees.
The second dream, the following day, was about giving birth to a baby boy. I should state I am not pregnant nor do I desire to be pregnant at this stage of my life. I do find it interesting that two days, I dreamt about the young, natural states of life in nature, green, strength and feeling blessed. I shared this with my friends on facebook, many of who stated that it pointed to rebirth, new beginnings, birth of something big. My own feelings around this apart from rebirth were; a definite sense of nurturing, growing, creating, feeling whole, satisfied, firm foundations, refreshed and strong.
Throughout this time my emotions were going on quite a rollercoaster of a ride and I was trying to get to grips with it all. I even deactivated my facebook account to work with the depths of me, I had quite literally become overwhelmed by my emotions, I needed some calm and go within. So, whatever way I could, I pushed through this trying to find different ways to create, to keep connected to me and life, even though I felt the plug had been pulled on my connection. All the time being encouraged by my friend who gave me this challenge. The world needs more encouragers.
These dreams happened about a week ago and since then a few changes have taken place, cataclysmic turn of events and so the cycle has churned once more and I have been presented with a new opportunity. Initially it rocked me, it cut deep, it threw me into turmoil, now I see that whilst devastating as it was, it was not only necessary but vital to the changing of my self and it brought me to a fundamental realisation.
I woke up today with the acceptance and understanding to the fact that:-
I should be able to say/not say, do or not do whatever I like without the need to pussyfoot around anyone, their feelings, worrying about how they will react or the consequences of me saying/not saying or doing/not doing things. If others don't like this, that is theirs to deal with, I am not responsible for how they perceive or react to me and what I say/don't say, do or don't do. I am only responsible for my own reactions and actions. This may sound harsh and tough for others to read but I will no longer apologise for being who I am. No one HAS to like me, accept me, my thoughts, words, actions, inactions, silence, reactions - I am who I am - warts n all - I am human.
So, just when you think the most awful thing has happened to you and that your whole world has just imploded in your face and that it will never be the same, sit with it, keep connected to those emotions, let them coarse through you and let them go, so you can allow the change to naturally progress through.
It's like what happens before during and after a storm. The tension builds to such a level that the pressure becomes too much for the atmosphere to hold and suddenly it explodes, thrashing around, clattering erratically, crashing haphazardly at anything it can hit, deluging everything in sight and then the break happens, clearance comes, all the grime is washed away, the tension has subsided and everything feels refreshed a new, alive and awakened.
Here's to feeling awakened.
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