Wetlands Walk: The blessings and lessons keep rolling on ....

Facebook cover style compilation of Photographs from the Wetlands walk; Fungus, Prickles, rushes. Photographs taken by Andrea George using a Nikon Coolpix P520

Compilation of Photographs from the Wetlands walk; Moon, Daffodils, Purple-headed swamp hen, Fungus, withered plant, Haunting woods, Sleepy Hollow, Bull-rush. Photographs taken by Andrea George using a Nikon Coolpix P520

After my 8km walk, the next day, I had the opportunity to go for another walk, this time I was going to be sharing it with someone, who also loves walking in nature and taking photographs. I was still aching from my walk yesterday, however, I decided it would be good to walk the pain out. So, I took up the "Carpe Diem" (seize the day) mantra and bit the bullet, taking up the opportunity to share a walk with someone. Normally, when I walk out in nature, I prefer my own company, so if I want to be silent, to go slow, to take forever to get past a certain point due to taking photographs like a possessed woman, I can. This time, I thought, I would be open to sharing the walk, the time and chance with someone. This was either going to work out or go horribly wrong, either way, I was surrendering to the opportunity of sharing with someone along with them deciding where we were going to walk in nature. Yes, I was secretly freaking out and hyperventilating at this prospect, I know how much I enjoy my own walks in nature and I wondered how sharing that experience would work out - ah well, I was on the road to a new discovery - FUCK! What have I let myself in for?!!!!!! (Yes, that was precisely what my mind was screaming - I don't believe my eyes were popping out at that thought but if they were, I hope THEY didn't see that!)

After breathing through my fears and arriving at the chosen destination, we got out of the car and headed towards our walk. We were at some Wetlands, near Jells Park, Victoria, Australia. I was excited, I love Wetlands as they mean lots of flaura and fauna. YES!!!!!!!!!!! Good start, calm had return to my panicked brow, however , that lasted all of 10 mins, as my walking companion decided to head off in another direction to me. I stood stunned for a moment and wrestled with it in my head. I had no working phone, so no way of contacting them in case of an issue or we lost each other, I started to breathe deeply, to rationalise my madness - yup, I was going slightly off the Richter scale of madness at the moment and I could feel a few hearty FUCKS brewing from deep within. Sure, enough out they came, "FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!! For Flippin' FUCKSAKE!!!!! WHAT THE BLEEDIN" FUCK?!!!!!! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN?!!!!!! WHAT PART OF THIS IS FUCKIN" SHARING???!!!!! I"M SO FUCKING CONFUSED!!!!!! FUCKIN" MARVELLOUS!!!!!"

Now, whilst I was swearing like a well oiled sailor, it slowly calmed my mind and in came rational thinking, well my special kind of rational thinking! That train of thought went like this; "Okay, well I guess I wanted to walk on my own (see be careful what you wish for you may just get it!) I also did say that this was about their choice and what they wanted to do, I guess they wanted to explore on their own too. I mean this is still sharing the experience even if we go different ways, it's not like we have to be conjoined twins or anything, is it? No. So, I might as well keep communing with nature on my own till we meet up and we can have fun at seeing each other's photographs when we get back from the walk, how cool is that? It's cool right? Yup. Cool. So keep calm and carry on, what will be will be, breathe and just be!" I started to realise that we will meet up at some stage, it didn't matter where or when but we would find each other at some stage.

Sheesh! I had turned into my own 'walk the walk, talk the talk' counsellor. Fucking hilarious and yes, I realise now you can all see how my crazy mind works - note this is also a mere glimpse of my crazy mind in a moment. Meh! All good. I am comfortable with that, unlike the moment of panic when my walking companion and I separated.

So, I continued on my walk being led to stop and sit, meditate by a lake and just listen to the sounds around me. I sat there for about twenty minutes and when I opened my eyes, I saw a few brightly coloured fungus, spawning from around the lake's boardwalk. I lay on my stomach to get some macro shots of them and kept listening, by now I was completely calmed down from my mad panic of earlier. I decided to keep walking a bit longer, eventually I came to a small turn off, towards a bird hide. I sat in the bird hide overlooking another lake and then after a few moments decided to move on. A few steps further and there was my walking companion, smiling that they had found me. Interesting, had we both panicked over the separation? Perhaps.

We decided to walk back in the direction from which they had come and now back together again, we started photographing similar scenes and chatting about things we had seen during the separation. Up to this point I hadn't been able to photograph any birds, I had some beautiful glimpses of Fairy Wrens (which are endangered due to the destruction of the natural Australian bush habitat and gardens using palms and cactus plants which they do not like) and Wagtails.

Eventually I managed to capture a purple-headed swamphen, alongside that I had a very enjoyable day and I saw lots of birds - Wagtails, Fairy wrens, Swallows, Geese most were either in flight and to quickly in passing to capture. I just had the joy of seeing and hearing the sounds of nature, along with the bellows of frogs, the beautiful song of a Bell Bird and the odd warble. Blessed, soulful day, shared with someone. Most importantly however, I learnt, how to accept that what I think will happen, may not happen, how to be, to relax and enjoy things as they are, not as I think the should be and to truly believe that all will eventually work out the way it is meant to be. Oh and we were both happy with our Photographs. Truly blessed day.

Photographs taken by Andrea George using a Nikon Coolpix P520

Post Bastardom and walking!

Compilation of Photographs from 8km Walk, Kookaburras, Flowers, moss, Autumn leaves, Parakeets, trees, duck, Cockatoos. Photographs by Andrea George taken using a Nikon Coolpix P520

Kookaburra's in a Gum Tree. Photographs taken by Andrea George using a Nikon Coolpix P520

After I had written my long blog post: :-  "Bastardom! Remaining authentic, aware and connected. Observations from within." I felt physically drained and yes, I also accept, I too was being judgemental. I was in a quandary, on one hand I felt like doona (duvet) diving and closing the world off altogether and on the other, I also felt like going for a walk. I was considering going along the track, I had been on when I swore all the time, as mentioned in my post "Touched by Nature." I ummed and arggh about it for about an hour. I hit the bed but I was unsettled, I heard an inner voice saying, "Get up Woman! Go out and Walk! You need to get out and be in nature! It will do your soul some good!" So, I dragged myself out from under the doona (duvet), threw myself in the shower, got dressed, grabbed my camera and tripod.

It was a nice day, the sun was out for a change. We had, had a few wet days and as I can't drive because of my epilepsy being uncontrolled, looking like a drowned rat, as you know, is not my preferred option! When I got to the walking trail, the mushrooms from the last visit had diminished. This walk was just about enjoying the walk, I didn't care about taking photographs.

This time, was about walking as far as I could go and back again, to go slow, to listen, to be, silent in nature and enjoy whatever, I discovered along the way. Well, two minutes into my walk, I heard the familiar cackle of the Kookaburra. Where were they? I slowed down even more and then I saw them. I pleaded silently with the Kookaburra's, 'Please I'm getting my camera out. Stay where you are and pose. Pose for my Camera, you know you want to!'

Yes! They stayed and they posed, albeit slightly obstructed by a tree branch but the fact they stayed and let me capture them with my camera made my heart sing. I had the biggest grin ever on my face. I am quite the excitable twitcher, I love seeing and hearing birds, watching them fly, rest, and land etc. Today, was going to be a 'bird' day!

As these Kookaburra's were slightly obstructed, I decided to be thankful I had seen them and that it didn't matter if the photographs were good or not. Today was simply about going slow and enjoying the sights and sounds. Great photography was not my goal, today it was about enjoying the peace and tranquillity, being out in nature, no expectations, just breathing, just being, connecting, just listening and bringing it all into my awareness.

I continued on my walk, observing the joggers, cyclists, dog walkers, families on bikes and other walkers, all going at a much faster pace than me. It was good to see so many people out and about. Last time, I walked this track, it was very much male dominated, today there was a good mix of all ages and genders.

I noted I was smiling, as I walked, I was in my happy place, in nature listening to the most beautiful birdsong that was surrounding me and trickling of water, nothing else mattered. A little further down the track, by a huge lake, not only were there ducks but also some more Kookaburra's sitting in a gum tree. These two were unobstructed, unlike the last two. I smiled and got my camera out. These two were huge posers and ensured I got some awesome photographs of the day.

For those of you that don't know, I am gravitationally challenged, I stand all of 4ft 11 inches and this can cause angles and proximity of camera lens to the subject troublesome at times. I recall a time I was with friends in Port Macquarie awaiting for the moon to rise above the trees. After a small wait, everyone was telling me they could see the moon clearly above the trees. I was puzzled, I couldn't. Then I noted they were standing further back, so I went over to where they were, nope I still couldn't see the moon over the trees, then I hit the deck laughing. I realised my height was obscuring the view my friends were seeing of the moon. It then dawned on them and they grabbed a step ladder so I could have their view - yes my friends love to point out how short I am, it gave us all a good laugh. Five minutes after they had seen the moon over the trees I got to see it clearly, it was worth the wait, as you can see from the photographs below:

Photographs showing the moon in April 2014, Port Macquarie. Photographs by Andrea George taken using a Nikon Coolpix P520

So, when I am out and about, even though my beautiful hybrid Nikon Coolpix P520 camera has an amazing 42x wide optical zoom, my height can interfere with the angles and positioning to get some truly awesome photographs. I am learning to work with that and adapt accordingly and at the same time, to be happy that I have seen or heard something worth shooting, even if I didn't get the shot I wanted. However, this pair of Kookaburra's were in a good spot for me and my gravitationally challenged body.

As, I moved through the trail, listening to sounds, going slow as I can, more and more of the birds in the trees were being revealed to me; Cockatoos, Kookaburras, Lorikeets, Parakeets, Swallows, Ducks, Magpies, Rosellas, Gallahs and Ibis, some I photographed, others I just chose to observe. I also observed the people on my walk, it's just an observation of mine but on a walking trail like this, it amazes me how many people are in such a rush to keep moving and don't get to see, the birds, flaura and fauna I have. Even when I am standing photographing them, no one stops and stares in wonderment, they keep moving. I guess we have different agendas for being on the trail but it did bring into my awareness how much we can miss in our lives. Observing rather than taking photographs on this walk was bringing so many smiles to my face. My smiles started becoming infectious, others were beaming back at me, some stopped and chatted to me, whilst others made remarks as they flew past on their cycles. Yes, my vibrational energy was very different to my "Bastardom!" and "Touched by Nature" posts and yes, it was having a different affect on those around me.

I was still being true to the depths of me in that moment, it was exactly how I felt, what I was aware of, it was where I wanted to be there and then and it was good to have that awesome connection with nature. Yes, a cathartic shift from within was running its natural course, I had managed to disperse the negativity and negative feelings by bringing them into my awareness and moving them through, letting them go and now, just like any storm, the calm and clarity was shinning through. I was slowly opening up to other opportunities, looking at moving onto the next chapter and finalising the last few left-over actions.

I had been through some tough moments, facing old issues and whilst they haven't gone completely and I was getting flashbacks from them, they were becoming more manageable for me and so next steps were becoming a vivid reality. Getting out in nature, as I have eluded to in my previous posts, enables me to help the huge transformation I have been going through to keep moving, to become aware of where I am at in any given moment and to face some harsh realities and truths. Facing those truths has been quite an eye opener and they really have stripped me back to the core, helping me realise what I have needed to change, grasp hold of and to remain humble by the lessons and blessings, I have received throughout.

This walk in nature was no different, except the vibrational energy was much gentler, than previous walks. I also didn't crave or felt I needed to be here, I was happy to just simply be there. The air and energy was clean and fresh, it wasn't cold, simply cleansing and refreshing, like it was sweeping away old energy and replenishing it with new energised vibrations. I kept walking and walking, wanting to see more and more. I got fairly close to the foot of the Dandenong ranges. I can remember a while back, that this was a small goal I had in the back of my mind, to reach the foot of the Dandenong ranges. At that time it seemed like a huge undertaking but one I felt, I would eventually do. This day, I was close to achieving that, I had come a long way, I had got back to walking more regularly, getting out, setting goals, feeling good.

I was so absorbed by the walk and enjoying it, I hadn't noticed the sun was beginning to set, time to say thank you for today and make the return journey. By the time, I got back to where I was staying, I had roughly walked 8km. That was a great walk for me, so many beautiful connections, happy moments, sights and sounds.

Feeling blessed by the green spaces we have in the State of Victoria and that I can go out and enjoy all that it has to offer.

Photographs taken by Andrea George using a Nikon Coolpix P520

DAY THIRTEEN: Eighteen boxes and counting; My life in a box!

Eighteen Boxes and Counting; My Life in a Box!

Contemplating my life in my box

Today, I spent hours at the storage facility, where my items are currently being kept. When I ended my relationship, I had no place of my own to go to, I was homeless.

Thanks to some amazingly beautiful friends, I have been able to keep off the streets by staying on couches and some beds, whilst I sort out the mess that became my life. They also helped me move my items from my old house and help me find this storage place. During this time as many of you know, I also became quite depressed, I have faced up to some harsh realities about me, my life, my attitude, my relationships, my issues from the past. At times this has been undeniably overwhelming but with each passing day, through my art, photography and blog, I am gaining the strength to rebuild my life and create it the life I would like.

The breakdown of my relationship has actually given me the most amazing opportunity to grow, change, simplify and reflect on my life, as well as dealing with issues I have ignored for so long.

I don't own much, pretty much all I have fits into 25 archive boxes (400mm x 315mm x 247mm, 31 Litres), with a few items like my Easels not boxed. So, this really is my life in a box hence my looks. These pictures contain eighteen archive boxes. The only furniture I had was one 3 drawer cube and a computer chair.

Today, was huge emotionally, I let go of so much, not just items but old clutter that had emotional ties to my past. Amongst them were some happy moments and time with some beautiful friends during a break from de-cluttering. Feels good to have got this done and finalised. Now, I can work on finding a place to live.

Photographs by Andrea George taken using a Nikon Coolpix P520

Bastardom! Remaining authentic, aware and connected. Observations from within.

"I AM BASTARD!" Pen drawing by Andrea George

I accept that what is posted in throughout my blog and posts, are my resonance, understanding a truth for me at this present time on being authentic. It is merely my opinion, feelings, thoughts and emotions and no one has to accept my opinion. I am merely expressing where I am in a given moment and my thoughts, feelings and emotions in that moment. I am no guru or authority on any of the subjects, I am merely an observer of my own truths and resonance.

Yesterday, I started off listening to my country, folk, indie and jazz playlist. It was a great start to my day, so soulful and vibrant, great energy flowed within me. It was good to feel this. Over the last few days, I have been swinging from being okay and coping reasonably well, to being creative, to doona (duvet) diving and shutting out the world, whilst acknowledging where I am at within myself. Yes, I am still going through the rollercoaster ride.

I am dealing with my issues, in my own unique way, through music, art, reading, connecting with friends and getting out in nature to raise the vibrations within me. I do this to expunge the crud and negativity that is part of  my self. I recognize and I am aware of my negative vibrations and I actually don't see this as a bad thing. To me it means that I am connected to the core of me. That I am actively seeking solutions, dealing with matters as they arise, no matter how dark they are.

Through this process, I have had old issues arise, that haven't been dealt with effectively, hence their hedonistic, hell raising return. Ignore things at your peril! This morning was no different in that respect, as I was enjoying my pleasant morning, listening to my music, I felt a strong urge to create the dark image featured at the top of this post "I AM BASTARD!" I ended up re-creating him as a trio and shared him on facebook with the words ""I AM BASTARD!" started off with a peaceful morning when this fucker pops in my head! Out now, so get fucked and leave!"

Note, these words were not said in anger but from a place of strength and empowerment. It was me stating that I had faced him and he no longer had power over me. I am not the victim of his actions, thoughts or words against me. The face depicted is symbolic rather than the face of someone real and his heavy set, foreboding presence and deliberate blurring of his features are just as symbolic. Not longer after a page on facebook called, "Your Beautiful Life" posted this quote by Steve Maraboli ...

Not long after, I read another post that I interpreted as speaking to me. In the post it discussed a popular held belief by those who follow 'abundance/positivity' ideologies. It said that in order for change to take place it must be done from a different vibration than the one you are currently vibrating in. Many other things were mentioned in that post and it irked me but I didn't know why. I decided not to respond but to take my own advice of sitting with that feeling and letting it flow through until I understood why it irked me.

During this thought process and connecting with my self, I came up with a vision of one of my own photographic art works, created earlier in this blog and of only showing the eyes, whilst changing the pupils to a mythical creatures pupils. I decided to create this ...

"Glimpse" Photographic creation by Andrea George

Again I posted this on facebook with the words "A mere glimpse does not reveal the whole picture." Yes, I share lots on facebook, in fact I share lots on facebook in spurts. At the moment due to a change in my life circumstances and my phone dying on me, it is one of the only real time connections to my friends, another is email.

Yes, I know I can get out and meet people too and I do. That's my point about the glimpse - I may look like I am on facebook 24/7 but the reality is different. I don't share everything I do on facebook and I do have a life outside facebook. However, as we are in the winter season at the moment, wet days with heavy winds are frequent, so staying indoors and the warmth has also increased. Note due to my epilepsy being uncontrolled I don't drive, getting wet constantly and battling winds isn't my preferred option, I love being out just not as a drowned rat.

I don't watch TV, I rarely read the papers, I do read books, listen to music, create art, enjoy my photography, connect with friends (via facebook and outside of that), make recipes ( my creativity in the Kitchen) go out in nature and fuck me, I have a fucking life!

So why did the post irk me and does it any more? Well, I do like to keep things fucking real, honest, raw and unapologetic. We deny too much of our World and being a spiritual soul, I am highly sensitive to emotions and vibrations.

I do get upset about cruelty and it angers me, when I see anything being mistreated, whether it's a human, animal or flaura. Destruction of our world has become the biggest denial by mankind in our modern world, we are shielded from that pain and harm by our concrete jungle.

Here's the reality though - should I deny my fucking anger and despair at the world and not bring that into awareness, to let it dissipate as it coarses through me or should I be all loving, gentle, peaceful and focus only on the positive?  The answer is all will happen and to allow all states of consciousness of self will bring into reality the authentic self. To deny any emotion is to deny self and your authenticity.

Whilst people are entitled to their opinions and to express them, I have a choice on how I react to them. However, it's important when expressing opinions, it will be dependent on where the reader/receiver is at in that given moment. Sometimes the words are received with the gentle intention of love, in which it was written. There is a possibility, that the words will create the opposite effect and stir the very thing in which it was not intended to do - anger, hurt, pain, frustration to name a few reactions.

Having love and concern for a friend/neighbour/lover/child/parent is all good and well and you always want with the best of intentions for them to improve themselves and not to suffer pain. Here's the things though, as hard as it is to watch someone take a wrong turn (in your humble opinion), to suffer pain, how do we not know that this is what is necessary for them at this time - we don't? The best thing you can do for that person, is to let them be, let them discover, how to deal with their own darkness, let them grow in their own light and if they ask for your help then be there for them. Yes, it's hard to stand and watch someone destroy themselves but how wonderful is it to see them rise again after finding their own way out.

So, whose issue is it that the post was received not in its original intention, is it the writer's or reader's/receiver's? Both - the writer for being ambiguous with their words in the post and assuming the advice is needed and the reader's for their interpretation and reaction to the words. I understand through my sitting with my feelings and reactions, that the post was done with the intention of love and desire to bring to others, awareness of their vibrational reality and how it can affect them. The intention was not the issue.

The issue was the ambiguity of the post and the assumption that direction was needed and that upon first reading it appeared to be coming from a place of judgement and superiority. The issue with me as that reader was my reaction to it and the hurt of being judge and misunderstood. Through sitting with this these initial feelings have dissipated.

That being said, it is a truth for me that we do not know what battles or demons others are facing nor can we ever fully appreciate or understand what goes on behind closed doors or in the mind of another, not even if we have travelled a similar path. Even my blog and posts could be taken the wrong way. I am expressing my opinions and feelings on something that has arisen at a given moment in time, the thought processes, my feelings and how I no longer feel it upsets me. I accept it as an opinion from someone whose intention was from a place of love and desire to bring awareness to actions, thoughts and emotions.

Even writing this post has helped me work through my own, thoughts, feelings and expressions. In fact throughout yesterday, posts came up that resonated with me on and around this subject. I include a compilation of them here ...

Top left: Jim Morrison's quote on reality and pain as shared by Butterflies and pebbles, Photograph by Nomadic Lass. Top Right: Panache Desai quote on emotions. Bottom Left: Picture of rabbit in the woods ( artist unknown). Butterflies and Pebbles quote on the inside, Photo by Susanne Nilsson

The Jim Morrison quote expresses beautifully to what I have been eluding through in this blog, to deny your feelings is to give into the conditioning by society and deny self an opportunity of love and being authentic to self. Panache Desai, says it quite simply, emotions are energy within us, energy moves ergo emotion moves us, changes us, runs through us, they are not static or unchanging , they evolve like us. Butterflies and pebbles quote eludes to us being made of water, a great ocean within, tidal, moving, ebbing and flowing, changing and evolving. The rabbit picture comes with this beautiful quote:

I was sad one day and went for a walk;
I sat in a field.
A rabbit noticed my condition and
came near.
It often does not take more than that to help at times -
to just be close to creatures who
are so full of knowing,
so full of love
that they don’t
- chat,
they just gaze with
their
marvellous understanding.
~ St. John of the Cross

As, I eluded to earlier, often nothing more than simply being there for a friend is all that is required, no words, just sitting, being there gazing and understanding, letting them be and letting them know you hear them, being silent speaks volumes.

 I want to also explain how this blog, my art, photography, listening to music, connecting with friends, communing with nature, reading and cooking help change my vibrations. In order for me to do that, I would like to try and convey, how in the past, I would deal with things, my darkness and how that has altered.

I used to bottle up my negativity, push all 'bad things' and suppress them to my inner depths of my psyche. I only concentrated on 'counting my blessings.' I had been conditioned from an early age, that you don't air your 'dirty laundry' in public! For a while, everything was so hunky-dory, it was almost like a scene that had stepped right out of the "Stepford Wives" and I can hear Julie Andrews saying "Practically perfect in every way!"

Now I'm more like a well oiled sailor and more likely to say, "Get Fucked!" or "Get fuckin' real love!" or "Grow some fuckin' guts love and tell 'em like it is!" I know for some a step too far! The point is whilst my 'Stepford Wife' life ticked along underneath a potent brew of Volcanic proportions was beginning to bubble, to stir and rise. It was beginning to show cracks and steam, eventually this lead to a complete breakdown. I had a nuclear meltdown of epic proportions and the Volcanic pressure cooker spewed its contents into my perfect world of serenity and calm, I had become catastrophically unhinged. Yes, I collapsed into a world of depression and suicide, I was 26 years old, married and a mother of three children under five years old.

Sure, there were physical factors that exacerbated the enormity of this. I had descended into my own personal hell and I had no idea how to get out of this. I was locked in a darkness of terror, powerful imagery and the constant whirring of my mind. Eventually, I found the power to unlock it but it wasn't until after months of struggling with medications that I felt numbed me and virtually cut off all connectivity.

Some would argue that depression is the severing of your connection to the world. I would argue it's the disconnection to a part of your psyche that severs the connection and it is this connection of self that is often ignored and shunned, disregarded by modern medicine as not necessary.

The medications were for me, my severance to the world and a descent further into my hell. Sure, medications have their place to a point and they were working on some level, even if they made me unemotional.

I became increasingly frustrated with being on the medications and seeing a Psychiatrist - I wanted to discover the root of my depression. In my Psychiatric sessions all I did was regurgitate answers according to the Psychiatrist questions, thoughts vented and medications prescribed, see you next week attitude.

For me, I didn't want to vent, to wallow, I wanted to be alive, I wanted to feel, to emote and wanted to know why I was locked in this hell? How it had happened? How to get out of it! Eventually, after attempting suicide, coming extremely close to death and some six angry weeks later, I had a breakthrough. Well, at least I was feeling angry by now, I dug in deep and started pulling myself out of the murky depths, started pushing back the boundaries, re-connecting and finding a deep desire to live.

The exact details of how I did this are a little murky, the point is I became aware of the need for change, my anger had propelled me to desire and become aware, to realise, I was the only fucker that would get me out of this! I was going to face my fears, breakthrough and fight for my life!

Did you read that? It was my 'Anger' that brought me into awareness and realisation! It wasn't a positive emotion but it had become a positively charged emotion to propel change from within. This is why we cannot deny our darkness, our negative emotions and reactions. It is often the negative emotions positively charged that propel change and that we find our strength from within, we become empowered to change.

As an artist and spiritual being, I now recognise to deny any part of me is to deny my authenticity. Hell, this is what this fuckin' project and challenge is all about - connecting to self in a given moment! That's my point, it's a mere glimpse of where I am in a moment. It's not where I am staying, it's not me wallowing, it's me bringing me into my awareness, of the depths of me in that moment. Accepting it, letting it go and once it has been acknowledge, it passes through and dissipates like the moment, it's gone.

Yes, I may feel angry a moment later but it has changed, it has altered, like the next moment does. Going through this huge transformation, as I have been doing, dealing with issues as they arise, dealing and living my life, the change doesn't happen overnight, change evolves over time.

We are constantly changing and evolving, in awareness, in a natural flow and it doesn't have to be a cataclysmic event that causes this. It just so happened to be the case for me. So, when I create, I create a moment, a moment of me, it's my soul barred for all to see, my emotions, feelings, thoughts poured out energetically. Once I have created they have passed on. So abundance/positivity has its place balanced with keeping it real - how?

It's like sparks - sparks can be caused by a sudden powers surge or by friction against another object. Positivity/abundance are akin to the power surge, its's bright and powerful as it surges but once discharged, it fades, you need a new power surge to keep it rolling, for if abundance/positivity doesnt bring about that change interest is lost. Friction on the other hand causes a fire to ignite, creating a deep burning, that deep burning destroys the old to ashes and creates a new state of being. The embers keep burning unless starved of oxygen or smothered by sand. True that fire can get out of hand, if the friction becomes to great and you keep adding to it without being aware of what is happening, that's the locking into a personal hell.  Becoming aware of self in the moment, where we are at, acknowledging, being and letting go will help to remain authentic to our self. So feel the whole gamut of emotions, keep the connection going.

Being a spiritual being doesn't mean, I have to be all light, sweetness and full of fluffiness, hell no! I keep it real, connected to my rawness and that includes raising my middle finger and placing a well meant, hearty "Fuck you fuckers!" in there at any given moment. It's not about being angry, vulgar or aggressive, it's about empowering and reclaiming me.

Here's to all my emotions, keeping it real, being empowered, reclaiming my power and ground with all the glory of bastardom and a well meant, "FUCK!"

I would like to leave you with this quote:

"Stars can't shine without darkness"