Removing the mañana mantra and gaining the Carpe diem mantra

With the weather getting wetter and my desire to retreat and shut down, totally to disconnect from the world in which I was in, to be numb, to shun and be void of feelings, which in reality is impossible, even numbness is a feeling. I started to challenge myself to do something, even if it was just to get out of bed, to look at something other than darkness, to feel something other than the comfort of my doona (duvet), to try and connect with my art, to pick up my camera and photograph anything and to think about that process.

The struggle was immense, the fight with self was strong, it was like someone had me magnetically charged and the bed and darkness, were an all powerful magnet that kept me there. I kept telling myself, if I could get out in nature, things would shift. Each day I would wake wanting to go out but then the slightest thing would give me the perfect excuse not to move, it didn't take much to convince me to stay in the warmth. So, out I came with my new mantra - "mañana, mañana, mañana" ("tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow"), procrastination became my bedfellow and clung to me heavily.

Eventually, I broke the "mañana" mantra and exchanged it for the "Carpe diem" ("seize the day") mantra. I seized the day with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. I decided that if I couldn't get out in nature then all I should do, is step outside in the back garden and breathe, listen and be still.

So out I went, in the cold damp air. Then I saw the rain drops on the leaves and branches and I went to get my camera. I wanted to capture what I was seeing, huge goblets of water just dangling on the ends of leaves and branches or proudly sitting there like leaf bubble-wrap.

I took a few and came back in as the heavens started opening again. I checked them out on my computer and felt something was missing on some of them, the brilliance of nature I had felt in the past was lack lustre for me, they were dull, uninteresting and not sharp enough. Initially, I was going to give up for the day, I was back to the "mañana" mantra again and my "Carpe diem" mantra had been seized by the "mañana" mantra enthusiasm. I was frustrated. I was hoping the rain would cease, so that I could go back out and see if I could capture what I was seeing but I wasn't holding out for that hope to come forth.

Eventually the rains did break and I pushed myself to grab my camera and try once more, surely I could get better pictures than the last time. I use a Nikon Coolpix P520 - a great little hybrid, digital camera with many features and amazing zoom capabilities, it can capture the craters and seas on the moon with amazing clarity in the right light. I haven't had this camera long, so I am still exploring all it's features and working out its true potential.

So, there I was thinking about angles, light, position of the sun, focus and working out what I wanted to capture. I kept taking many, playing with different settings, eventually I stopped. I returned to my computer to check the results. There were a few good ones and those I have shared at the beginning of this post.

Even though I was feeling disconnected with everything, I did push through that. I did get some good shots, that I am personally happy with but still want to improve. I got up out of bed. I got into nature, even if it was my back yard. I nourished my self even though it didn't feel like it. Small triumphs -which is good.

Here's to reducing the "mañana" mantra and increasing the "Carpe diem" mantra and those small truimphs, which are huge in reality. Go Carpe diem throughout your day and give mañana the heave ho!